Express Diarist Turns Sights on Scotsman

What has The Scotsman done to offend Hickey, the erudite but eccentric diarist of the Scottish Daily Express?

On Monday, he reported: “The Scotsman, an Edinburgh newspaper apparently, recommends persons visit Longniddry Bents – ‘a strand of gorgeous beaches popular with sunseekers’. I am sure it is but, according to my great chum, the locally domiciled Mr Geordie Nichols, it is also popular with persons harbouring unnatural sexual predilictions.”

And yesterday he was still trying to come to grips with the capital’s morning newspaper, this time dragging in columnist and radio broadcaster, Lesley Riddoch.

Declared Hickey: “African broadcaster Ms Lesley Riddoch says no woman would ever make a lusty remark about a fellow when in charge of a Holyrood committee, as did Mr Frank McAveety.

“I am sure she is right and, I am relieved to note, she has kept her own ‘object of desire’ for the posh Opinion page of a newspaper (The Scotsman or something). It is none other than handsome, debonair witty, bearded Scottish actor, Mr Peter Capaldi. Mrs. H says that Miss Lesley has made a fine choice; strong but kind, handsome but modest etc.”